Still in Love with His Ex

I was talking to this guy for a few months and things were pretty good. When we first started talking, he told me everything up front. He and the mother of his kids had been broken up for a while, but she finally told him that she was going to see other people and was talking to someone; he was going through a law suit he wasn’t able to work due to the lawsuit and his shoulder being messed up. He was straight forward, yet I didn’t take that as a red flag like I should have.

So almost everyday he had talked about how hurt he was and what not and he wasn’t able to sleep and he felt bad and couldn’t eat. Then all of a sudden his mood changed. He was happier, telling me how great I was and how awesome of a listener I was. Mind you since the first day we started talking, we had talked everyday.

He had stopped talking about his ex and the lawsuit and all the negative things and was more positive. I’m assuming it was because of me, but I will never know. We were also FaceTiming during this time. So, this went on for a few months until Friday, things changed. I guess I should have seen the signs before.

He always told me about the other “young” women he talked to and I guess that should have been a big, bright ass red stop sign, but mind you, this man is attractive and does not look even close to how old he is. He also talked to other educators like myself. He told me that he always attracted younger women and that the mother of his children was young.

He told me about his first marriage and how he cheated on his wife because she wouldn’t give him head, which was another red flag. At this point, I am really trying to figure out how the hell I ignored all of these flags. They were practically dangling in my face. Moving on.

He told me how he was a dog and did all these things when he was younger and I guess parts of that attracted me more to him. Not sure why I am attracted to men like that but that was his past, and he may very well still be like that.

As time progressed, we began to have phone sex, or FaceTime sex, whatever you want to call it. It happened twice. Our conversations got more personal and deeper. Then, I finally came out and told him how I felt. He proceeds to tell me that there is  King out there for me and that his heart belongs to the mother of his kids, who by the way, does not want him.

Both of us are at fault but mainly me. I should have seen that I was a distraction or placeholder from the beginning. All the signs were there, from the damn beginning. All of his IG posts, everything. I just blatantly ignored them and I could kick myself right now because I am hurt. He lead me to believe that we could have something. We were even going to meet in Dallas over spring break and stay in a hotel together. But something just told me that I need to tell him how I felt because I had this inkling that something wasn’t right.

When I sent him the text, he didn’t respond or call like he normally does, not until the next morning, which lead me to believe he and his ex rekindled their relationship and that’s fine. I love Black love even when I get hurt in the process. Obviously they were meant to be. This did teach me a lesson.

I always put myself in situations to be hurt and I choose the wrong men, not paying attention to signs. I am a pretty confident person, but when it comes to me, I instantly become self-conscious, my self-esteem plummets, and I become this little naïve teenage girl again. I don’t know what it is about men that makes me so damn weak and weak minded, and I can normally see through the bullshit, but sometimes, I try to see the good and give men the benefit of the doubt, though I am putting too much of my trust in the wrong men.

I guess the moral of the story is, if he is still in love with his ex, don’t even bother. You cannot change the mind of a man, whose heart is with someone else.

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